Never Trust A Grown Man With A Ponytail

by Carl Wiser

Songfacts is rooted in radio: We started as a way to organize show prep so we'd have something interesting to say about the songs we played. Disc jockeys are now a dying breed, but those same folks who made your favorite station come to life are now leading the way in the digital age.

One of those is our buddy Jay Nachlis, who became one of the youngest radio program directors in America and has run stations in San Francisco, Buffalo and Detroit. Stories from his adventures in the industry are packed into his book Never Trust A Grown Man With A Ponytail: How A Regular Guy Lived A Rockstar Life, available at Amazon.

Here are two excerpts, one confronting the decline of FM radio, the other about Prince and his purple throne.
FM Radio? What's That?
Chapter 2
June, 2011. The moment happened in the Swami Cab ride on the way from the music industry conference in Carlsbad to visit a college friend at a house party just down the road in Cardiff-By-The-Sea, in the San Diego area of California. Iggy Pop was the culprit. Damn you, Iggy Pop and your Stooges. This business has treated me well for my entire adult life. In fact, it's treated me well since I was a teenager. It's paid the bills (sometimes). I've partied with rock stars, seen just about every concert I wanted to see for free, started a band, and now Iggy Pop, you have me questioning my future when this business is the only one I've really ever known. Truth is, you can't fight the future – and if the road forks, you better take it or make your own path. Of course, if Iggy Pop ever heard me spout a cliché like that he'd beat me to a bloody pulp.

Let's be honest. It wasn't even Iggy's fault, it was Mark the Swami Cab driver. When I hopped in the taxi, Iggy was playing. No, not "Lust For Life" for god's sake – "I Wanna Be Your Dog." When I glanced at the radio, 89.7 was the frequency glowing in a greenish-blue and I wasn't familiar with that station. "What station are you listening to?", I asked Mark the Swami, expecting him to school me about some hipster college station out of La Jolla that was spinning the freshest jams on Saturday nights. He would tell me about how he grew up in Southern California in the early '80s, when Circle Jerks and Dead Kennedys ruled the roost. Now on 89.7 on Saturday nights, it takes him back to high school to relive the grand days of SoCal punk. That is what I expected him to say. Here's what I did not expect him to say...

Pandora.

Pan-fucking-dora.

OK, look. I don't have any problem with Pandora. I enjoy it, though I'm partial to Amazon Music and Spotify. That year, when I listened to a Duran Duran channel on Pandora I was treated to commercials for a gay dating service. I can only gather Pandora assumed at the time that if you're a male listening to Duran Duran, there is no way in hell that you are straight. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

I don't even take issue with the fact that everyone was starting to buy smartphones (I had just been reminded of this at the industry conference) and that makes it really easy for everyone to get access to Pandora on their phone and that means that they can plug a cable into the auxiliary jack in their car. If they already had something like the new Ford Sync, they had that little "P" app right in front of them or can get it wirelessly through Bluetooth. Meanwhile, FM radio is banished to the side like some sort of relic in a music history museum.

I take issue with the fact that Mark the Swami is listening to Pandora instead of radio. The question had to be asked. "Why don't you listen to FM Radio?", I ask innocently. Before I even broached the question I knew what the answer was going to be, so asking the question was like asking to be placed into a freaking torture ride that I've already been on over and over and over again. Ok, brace yourself. Go ahead, Swami, say it. "Because FM Radio is lame."

Should I have been surprised? Not really, because FM Radio is, in fact, sometimes lame. Our tale starts with the radio ratings monopoly Arbitron (which has since been purchased by Nielsen, because why not a total monopoly on media ratings?).

Yes, It Really Was A Purple Throne
Chapter 18

On April 20, 1997, I got to see Prince for the first time. Purple Rain was a transformative album for me in middle school, and I was highly jacked up for this show. The concert was at the San Jose State Events Center, featured the Purple One bounding about the stage playing every instrument (including the intense humping of the piano), and – surprise – showcased the Bay Area's own Carlos Santana in the encore on four songs, including his own "Soul Sacrifice."

Prince was known for legendary after-parties following his live gigs, and this one would be at the DNA Lounge in San Francisco. Since the show ended around 11p and it takes 45 minutes to drive from San Jose up to The City, this would be a very long night. Plus, you know Prince wasn't going to be the first one to arrive. So around 1am, a large entourage walked in comprised of 6 tall muscular men surrounding Prince, who was so tiny he couldn't even be seen in the middle of the mass. About 15 minutes later, I was escorted by the label rep into the VIP area where there was but one guest, Prince (and his manager) and he was sitting on a purple throne.

I was totally starstruck.

When you're taught how to ask great questions in an interview, rule number one is never ask "yes" or "no" questions. I should have heeded this rule when I met Prince. Come to think of it, I wish I had even asked a question! After the label guy introduced me, and Prince stared in my direction, all I could do was shower praise on the guy. Tell him how much his music meant to me. What an underrated guitarist I thought he was. Many artists would have taken that as a cue to steer the conversation, or at least, you know, say "thank you". But Prince didn't say thanks. In fact, he didn't say a word. After 90 seconds of babbling about the joy his music brought to me and feeding his ego, the Purple One just stared at me. It was so awkward that his manager chimed in to make me feel better, all while Prince continued to stare...

February 10, 2017
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