Cleaning Out My Closet

Album: Classick (2012)
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  • Now, this might get a little personal
    Or a lot actually
    Parental discretion is advised

    Yo look look

    When I was ten, shit, I believed I could fly
    I would just flap my fucking arms and try to meet with the sky
    And in my mind I'd envision that I was speaking with God
    And then I'd chop his fucking fist off and beat him with mine
    But this is just a fucking portion of the war with my mind
    So I'mma take you fuckers back and through the vortex of time
    When I was seven envision me at the bottom of stairs
    And I solemnly swear that this is the truth, no fallacy here
    See I was young, man, I was just a toddler, a kid
    And he wasn't the first to successfully try but he did
    He took me to the basement and after the lights had been cut
    He whipped it out and sodomized and forced his cock through my gut

    See it was weird because I felt like I was losing my mind
    And then it happened like it happened millions of times
    And I would swear that I would tell but they would think that I was lyin'
    And now the power that he held was like a beacon of mine
    So now I got used to it, I put up with the shit
    And now my hate was so volcanically eruptive and shit
    But this is nothing 'cause I guess he told his friend what he do
    And they ate it up, shit I was like a buffet for two

    And then it happened in a home where every fucking one knew
    And they ain't do shit but fucking blame it on youth
    I'm sorry mom but I really used to blame it on you
    But even you, by then wouldn't know what to do

    And now it happened so often that he was getting particular
    And I'm more scared every time, word to my speed and ventricular
    One night he came home and I was asleep in my bed
    He climbed on top of me and forced himself between my legs
    He told me, hey Ray, I see you like them Popsicle sticks
    So put your mouth on my dick and fucking swallow the spit

    And I was confused but I was scared so I did what he said
    I had no idea the effect it would have on my head
    My heart was pumping it was thumping with like tons of my fear
    Imagine being seven and seeing cum in your underwear
    I know it's nasty but sometimes I'd even bleed from my butt
    Disgusting right? Now let that feeling ring through your guts

    I thought of offing myself, I thought of killing these niggas
    Wanted to take a fucking brick and push they teeth through they liver
    Wanted to smash the fucking world and burn its leftover parts
    Wanted to rip it out and just fucking step on my heart

    Then I grew up and I wasn't within the reach of these men
    But that didn't keep me out the motherfucking reach of my sin
    And psychologically I was just as fucked as they come
    I was confused, I had to prove I wasn't fucked from the jump
    I was afraid of myself, I had no love for myself
    I tried to kill, I tried to hide, I tried to run from myself
    There was a point in my life where I didn't like who I was
    So I'd create the other people I would try to become
    Sexuality came into play and with as scarred as I was
    I was extremely scared of men so I started liking girls
    I started starving myself, fucked up my bodily health
    I didn't wanna be attractive to nobody else
    I didn't want the appeal, wanted to stunt my own growth
    But there's a fucking reason behind every scar that I show
    I never got to be a kid so that's as far as I grow
    My mental state is out of date, and that's as far as I know

    My biggest problem was fear, and what being fearful could do
    It made me run, it made me hide it made me scared of the truth
    I'm not deranged anymore, I'm not the same anymore
    I mean I'm sane but I'm insane but not the same as before
    I had to deal with my shit, I had to look at my truth
    To understand that to grow you've got to look at your root
    I had to cut off the dead, I had to make myself proud
    And now I'm just standing living breathing proof look at me now
    I made it through everything, I made you look like a clown
    I'm fucking great, can't fucking hate, you nigga look at me now

    Now I'm just saying this to tell you there's a way from the ground
    The makings of a legend are often hidden in trials
    So just be strong and just move on and just accept what you can
    Because it makes your story better when you read at the end

    There's a story behind every single scar that I show
    I made it out, this a me nobody's gotten before
    I had to open my wounds, I had to bleed til I stopped it
    Thanks for joining me here as I cleaned out my closet
    I said I opened my wounds, I had to bleed til I stopped it
    Thanks for joining me here as I cleaned out my closet Lyrics licensed and provided by LyricFind


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