Auntie Diaries

Album: Mr. Morale & the Big Steppers (2022)
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  • Heart plays in waves, the mind can't figure out
    Heart plays in waves, the mind can't figure out
    Heart plays in waves, the mind can't figure out
    Heart plays in waves, the mind can't figure out
    This is how we conceptualize human beings

    My auntie is a man now
    I think I'm old enough to understand now
    Drinking Paul Masson with her hat turned backwards
    Motorola pager off like, "Yes, Jackie"
    Blue Air Max's, gold chains and curl kits
    '93 Nissan wax job, the earliest
    Big social, big personality, vocal
    Played underground verbatim and stayed local
    My auntie is a man now
    I watch him and his girl hold their hands down
    Tip of the avenues street lights made his
    Thinking, "I want me a bad bitch when I get big"
    They walk the corner like California king
    Cold hand all up her skirt, cars whistling down the road
    See, my auntie is a man now, slight bravado
    Scratching the likes from lotto
    Hoping that she pull up tomorrow
    So I can hang out in the front seat
    Six by nines keeping the music up under me
    My auntie is a man now
    Asked my momma why my uncles don't like him that much
    And at the parties why they always wanna fight him that much
    She said "Ain't no telling
    Niggas always been jealous because he had more women
    More money and more attention made more envy
    Calling him anything but than broke was less offending"

    My auntie is a man now
    I think I'm old enough to understand now
    Drinking Paul Masson with her hat turned backwards
    Back when it was comedic relief to say "Faggot"
    Faggot, faggot faggot, we ain't know no better
    Elementary kids with no filter however
    My auntie became a man and I took pride in it
    She wasn't gay, she ate pussy, and that was the difference
    That's what I told my friends in second grade
    She picking up from school, they stare at her in the face
    They couldn't comprehend what I grew accustomed
    We pull off bumpin' quick like it was nothing
    My auntie is a man now, what a relationship
    I grew up fast, I needed no one to babysit
    He gave me some cash then gave me some gang
    Cherry freshener on the dash, I never complained
    She even cut my hair at the pad, was loving my fade
    The first person I seen write a rap
    That's when my life had changed
    House full of demo, smoke stuck on the window
    Cameras on the microphone, all women and men though
    My auntie was a man now, we cool with it
    The history had trickled down and made us ig'nant
    My favorite cousin said he's returning the favor
    And following my auntie with the same behavior

    Demetrius is Mary-Ann now
    He's more confident to live his plan now
    But the family in disbelief this time
    Convincing themselves "He ain't living discreet, he's fine"
    They said they never seen it in him, but I seen it
    The Barbie dolls played off the reflection of Venus
    He built a wall so tall you couldn't climb over
    He didn't laugh as hard when the kids start joking
    "Faggot, faggot, faggot" We ain't know no better
    Middle school kids with no filter, however
    I had to be very mindful of my good cousin
    I knew exactly who he was but I still loved him

    Demetrius is Mary-Ann now
    I mean he's really Mary-Ann, even took things further
    Changed his gender before Bruce Jenner was certain
    Living his truth even if it meant see a surgeon
    We didn't talk for a while, he seemed more distant
    Wasn't comfortable around me, everything was offensive
    But I recall we both had a sick sense of humor
    Made raw, but time changes all

    Demetrius is Mary-Ann now
    Remember church, Easter Sunday?
    I sat in the pew, you had stronger faith
    More spiritual when these dudes were living life straight
    Which I found ironic 'cause the pastor didn't see him the same
    He said my cousin was going through some things
    He promised the world we living in was an act on abomination
    And Demetrius was to blame
    I knew you was conflicted by the feelings a preacher made
    Wondering if God still call you a decent man
    Still you found the courage to be subservient just to anoint
    Until he singled you out to prove his point, saying

    Demetrius is Mary-Ann now
    Church, his auntie is a man now, it hurt
    He the most 'cause his belief was close to his words
    Forcing me to stand now
    I said "Mr. Preacher man, should we love thy neighbor?
    The laws of the land or the heart, what's greater?
    I recognize the study she was taught since birth
    But that don't justify the feelings that my cousin preserved"
    The building was thinking out loud, bad angel
    That's when you looked at me and smiled, said "Thank you"
    The day I chose humanity over religion
    The family got closer, it was all forgiven
    I said them F-bombs, I ain't know any better
    Mistakenly I didn't think you'd know any different
    See, I was taught words was nothing more than a sound
    If everything was pronounced without any intentions
    If every second you challenge the shit I was kicking
    Reminded me about a show I did out the city
    That time I brung a fan on stage to rap
    But disapproved the word that she couldn't say with me
    You said "Kendrick, ain't no room for contradiction
    To truly understand love, switch position
    'Faggot, faggot, faggot,' we can say it together
    But only if you let a white girl say 'Nigga'"

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