“Lights” appears on the reissued version of Ellie Goulding’s 2010 debut, Bright Lights. Though the initial LP is called Lights, the illuminated version and its included hit offer a peek inside the English singer’s gripping fears. However, “Lights” does more than document childhood panic. It offers Goulding a kind of North Star for overcoming her anxiety.
Not Sleeping Now
Goulding sings about a fear of the dark. Anxiety is a powerful thing that remains a strong enough force to override evolution’s circadian rhythm.
In the opening verse, she recalls her childhood and how she couldn’t sleep when the lights were turned off.
I had a way then,
Losing it all on my own.
I had a heart then,
But the queen has been overthrown.
And I’m not sleeping now,
The dark is too hard to beat.
And I’m not keeping now,
The strength I need to push me.
She wrote the song with Richard “Biff” Stannard, who is part of a production team called Biffco. Their credits include Goulding, Kylie Minogue, One Direction, and The Spice Girls, among others.
Meanwhile, the only remedy for Goulding’s fear of the dark is a partner. What we can’t see is just a different kind of unknown. And with someone else, it feels less scary. Just the sound of one’s voice or mere presence may be enough to survive the shadows.
You show the lights that stop me, turn to stone,
You shine it when I’m alone.
And so I tell myself that I’ll be strong,
And dreaming when they’re gone.
’Cause they’re calling, calling, calling me home,
Calling, calling, calling home.
You show the lights that stop me, turn to stone,
You shine it when I’m alone.
An Unlocked Place
Here, Goulding recalls a safe place in her childhood with her siblings. Perhaps this reveals that the dark isn’t what she fears; it’s the fear of being alone.
Noises, I play within my head,
Touch my own skin.
And hope that I’m still breathing,
And I think back to when.
My brother and my sister slept,
In an unlocked place.
The only time I feel safe.
Photo by Chiaki Nozu/WireImage