In 2020, Big Thief’s leader Adrianne Lenker released a pair of solo albums, Songs and Instrumentals. They were recorded quietly in a Massachusetts cabin. Captured with analog equipment, Lenker’s voice compresses onto the tape like the fading memories in her gorgeous ballad “Anything”.
The lo-fi recording reminds me of the way we used to capture video—before digital devices and certainly before smartphones. And when we return to view the past with old tools, we hope the medium has survived time. Occasionally, the images and sound fade in and out. It can be warbly. The sound of our minds clinging to the memories. That’s what Lenker’s “Anything” sounds like to me.
Fleeting Seasons
Lenker offers a snapshot of memories, some vivid, some opaque. It begins with a summer tale, but all is not summery here. The past withers and returns, with muted chaos and messy freedom.
Staring down the barrel of the hot sun,
Shining with the sheen of a shotgun.
Carol has a little if we need some,
Joa has a ride if we wanna come.
Hanging your jeans with a clothespin,
Skin still wet, still on my skin.
Mango in your mouth, juice dripping,
Shoulder of your shirt, sleeve slipping.
The seasons change, and the holidays arrive with violence. Lenker’s voice shrinks beneath both the cascading guitar arpeggios and the familial grievance.
Christmas Eve with your mother and sis,
Don’t wanna fight but your mother insists.
Dog’s white teeth slice right through my fist,
Drive to the ER and they put me on risk.
Grocery store list, now you get pissed,
Unchecked calls and messages.
I don’t wanna be the owner of your fantasy,
I just wanna be a part of your family.
Be Still
Then the detailed verses give way to a direct chorus. This is Lenker pushing back on the tumult with kindness. The delicate fingerpicking continues, like life’s chapters colliding into one another. And Lenker, like the rest of us, does her best to navigate the coming storms.
Often, the best equipment for survival can be found in the past.
And I don’t wanna talk about anything,
I don’t wanna talk about anything.
I wanna kiss, kiss your eyes again,
Wanna witness your eyes looking.
Photo by Kieran Frost/Redferns