Well, I took me a woman late last night, I's three-fourths drunk, she looked uptight. She took off her wheel, took off her bell, Took off her wig, said, "How do I smell?" I hot-footed it, bare-naked Out the window!
Well, sometimes I might get drunk, Walk like a duck and stomp like a skunk. Don't hurt me none, don't hurt my pride 'Cause I got my little lady right by my side. (Right there Proud as can be)
I's out there paintin' on the old woodshed When a can a black paint it fell on my head. I went down to scrub and rub But I had to sit in back of the tub. Cost a quarter And I had to get out quick Someone wanted to come in and take a sauna
Well, my telephone rang it would not stop, It's President Kennedy callin' me up. He said, "My friend, Bob, what do we need to make the country grow?" I said, "My friend, John, Brigitte Bardot, Anita Ekberg, Sophia Loren." Put 'em all in the same room with Ernest Borgnine!
Well, I got a woman sleeps on a cot, She yells and hollers and squeals a lot. Licks my face and tickles my ear, Bends me over and buys me beer. (She's a honeymooner A June crooner A spoon feeder And a natural leader)
Oh, there ain't no use in me workin' so heavy, I got a woman who works on the levee. Pumping that water up to her neck, Every week she sends me a monthly check. She's a humdinger Folk singer Dead ringer For a thing-a-muh jigger
Late one day in the middle of the week, Eyes were closed I was half asleep. I chased me a woman up the hill, Right in the middle of an air raid drill. It was Little Bo Peep! (I jumped a fallout shelter I jumped a bean stalk I jumped a Ferris wheel)
Now, the man on the stand he wants my vote, He's a-runnin' for office on the ballot note. He's out there preachin' in front of the steeple, Tellin' me he loves all kinds-a people. (He's eatin' bagels He's eatin' pizza He's eatin' chitlins He's eatin' bullshit!)
Oh, set me down on a television floor, I'll flip the channel to number four. Out of the shower comes a grown-up man With a bottle of hair oil in his hand. (It's that greasy kid stuff. What I want to know, Mr. Football Man, is What do you do about Willy Mays and Yul Brynner, Charles de Gaulle And Robert Louis Stevenson?)
Well, the funniest woman I ever seen Was the great-granddaughter of Mr. Clean. She takes about fifteen baths a day, Wants me to grow a cigar on my face. (She's a little bit heavy!)
Well, ask me why I'm drunk alla time, It levels my head and eases my mind. I just walk along and stroll and sing, I see better days and I do better things. I catch dinosaurs I make love to Elizabeth Taylor Catch hell from Richard Burton!)
Writer/s: EDWIN HAWKINS
Publisher: Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC
Lyrics licensed and provided by LyricFind