Two Ton Paperweight

Album: We Couldn't Think of a Title (2003)
  • My car is a PIECE OF SHIT!
    I wanna drive you off a cliff
    Watch you crash into a ravine
    For all the things you did to me

    You STUPID CAR!
    I wanna make myself a pipe bomb
    Blow your damn engine back to hell
    Where I know you're from

    PIECE OF CRAP!
    You aren't even worth the tow
    To a junkyard or a place
    Where you'd sit and lay to waste

    I WISH YOU'D DIE!
    Oh nevermind, you always do
    Can you tell me how much longer it will be until I'm rid of you?

    I wish that you would just get hit by lightning, or something
    My confidence in you is sold with every part I buy
    I guess I'm just a sucker with a lemon
    So pucker up and kiss another paycheck GOODBYE!

    You leak more than a newborn baby
    I change your oil all the time, but still you need some more
    Your fluid puddles come in assorted colors
    Just wonderful varieties of problems galore

    Will there be a time where I know I can drive
    Without my car breaking down?
    And will I ever see it start consistently
    Without the pain and the suffering?

    Stupid fuckin' car, stupid fuckin' car
    Stupid fuckin' car, stupid fuckin' car
    Stupid fuckin' car, stupid fuckin' car

    My car is a PIECE OF SHIT!
    I oughta give you a swift kick
    In the muffler, in the tire
    Or wherever I desire

    You STUPID CAR!
    You never get me very far
    When you decide driving to the store is a mortal sin

    PIECE OF CRAP!
    I guess you want a piece of me
    'Cause you're leaving all your pieces in the middle of the street

    You HEAP OF JUNK!
    I don't know what I'm gonna do
    I just hope that I don't have to take another day of driving you

    I swear you must be older than my grandma, and she's dead
    The fact you run at all is quite a mystery to me
    Your miles are approaching seven digits
    May god have mercy on the soul that's holding THE KEY

    I guess I'm just a little angry
    But for some reason getting stranded kinda chaps my hide
    You probably think I'm slightly overreacting
    Has your car ever made you think about suicide?

    Will there be a time where I know I can drive
    Without my car breaking down?
    And will I ever see it start consistently
    Without the pain and the suffering?

    Will there be a time where I know I can drive
    Without my car breaking down?
    And will I ever see it start...

    *Music fades*

    [Spoken]
    What the...?!

    *Engine struggling to turn over*

    Come on!

    *Engine trying to turn over*

    Oh, give me a break!

    *Engine finally starting*

    Ah!

    *Sound of crashing and engine knocking*

    UGH! Piece of SHIT!

    *Sounds of blows landing on car*

    DIIIIIIIIIE!

    Stupid car...

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