Hate Me

Album: Foiled (2006)
Charted: 31
Play Video


  • When Blue October frontman Justin Furstenfeld was 28, he started getting his life back together and making amends to the people he hurt as a result of his drug addiction. His mother is featured in the video, which is an honest portrayal of what he put her through.
  • Justin Furstenfeld's vocals on this song are compelling in that his voice is so direct, so ready for you to know that yes, he is not infallible, and he can admit it. He wrote this song, he says, as a sort of harsh reality check; a peek into how a man can be damagingly selfish in a relationship, and then look in a mirror and admit his mistakes while coming to terms with his own behavior. "It's like, let me just kind of clue you in on what it feels like in my own brain," he offers on his MySpace site. >>
    Suggestion credit:
    JM - Christmas Island, AL
  • In a promotional video, Furstenfeld said of this song: "When you're in a low place, you don't really think about other people, and it's basically an apology to the people you've hurt in the past and giving them advice that maybe you're not the best person to be hanging out with. It's an apology to people I've hurt in the past, and asking for forgiveness. Some of the issues I was going through."
  • In the album version of this song, it starts with an answering machine message where the singer's mother is asking if he is OK. Also, the music video shows videos of his mother taking care of him by doing everything from helping him when he is drunk to taking pictures of him and a girlfriend, and the video ends with him visiting a grave. This indicates that the song could be about all his mother did for him and what he could have done for her.
  • Playback asked Furstenfeld if his mother minded being immortalized on the answering machine message. The singer replied: "That had to be done. I was at a point when I was recording that it was the worst of my worst. She hadn't heard from me in quite a while and I got that message and I realized what I was doing to my family. I realized the selfishness in addiction; I hadn't talked to my mom in months. She was calling and that's the exact message, and that's when it clicked in my mind: It's not just me anymore. These people love you; they raised you."

Comments: 65

  • Tom from Rochester NyTo: Noah From Indiana. Abuse, physically mentally or spiritually has a drastic impact on peoples life. I read your comment to the end and most (as I know) will never understand the daily battles we fight within ourselves. However, your comment at the end is spot on and as I told myself that the sins of others that were done to me when I was younger, will not be transferred from me, to others. Only an understanding warrior would ever make such a true statement. God bless, rock On !
  • Debbie WeckmanI’m the mother in this song… my son died by suicide last year November. It breaks my heart that my love for him wasn’t enough. As a recovering alcoholic myself with 15 years of sobriety I thought I could reach him but I failed. My beautiful precious And only Son died alone in a hotel. He was a shell of himself broken and full of darkness and despair. He told me he didn’t know what was wrong with himself and I tried to get him help but he kept running away. His final words were I want to live my life as I want and that’s to drink and party. Then went onto to say he had to car, no money and no place to live. He leaves behind two sisters, two daughters, two grandchildren, a Dad, Step Dad, grandparents and so many others that loved him and most of all my love his Mom. It’s just heart wrenching pain every day knowing I couldn’t reach him and help him help himself. My precious Drew.
  • Anonymous from Jus's MomThis can not replicate me and my son's life any better than how it is done!
  • Julian from Ogden, UtThis accurately speaks for how mania onset of bipolar affects the sufferers relationships with loved ones. Your loved ones may guide you and be there for you to stop the fight, but it doesn't stop you from feeling guilty about the way you treat them during your explosions and how you wish they'd just hate you and leave you behind because you feel your love back is not adequate... a loss of touch with emotion. Feeling that hatred for yourself and suicidal ideation because of everything you do.

    Unfortunately I very much connect with this message due to my BD. But it is relieving to know I am not alone whatsoever, and neither are you.
  • Aj from Vermont I just lost my nephew to addiction. I know that he felt much like this song describes. It is unbearably painful to watch someone slowly ‘kill’ themselves and be so helpless. We kept hoping our love for him would be enough, but it wasn’t. I realize now that no matter how much we all loved him, he didn’t love himself. To all of you out there in this battle, plz never give up! Know that you are loved.
  • Noah from IndianaFor me, I've always listened to the song from my father's perspective, because he was a drug dealer, he was addicted to meth, heroine, marijuana, etc. Addiction really F--KS people up. not just the person who's addicted, but everyone around them as well. My dad wasn't ever really there for me, he was always out hanging with his friends, instead of being home and spending time with us. Sure, he had his moments, but he never was a good person. He was my idol. The one person I looked up to. I'm 12 years old, and I've protected my sisters whenever dad and stepmom got into a fight, I've had to resolve situations no-one should ever have to. I don't care how many people read this, it's probably not going to be very many, but I needed to get this out to the public. I've always seen the song as it was my dad saying he was sorry and he wanted to make it up to me. I've had so many people in and out of my life, I really don't care at this point. I consider suicide every day, but I know that if I ever did, everyone I knew would be devastated. I've pushed myself to the point that no matter what people try do to to cheer me up, it doesn't work. I'm clinically depressed, bipolar, and I no longer understand human emotions. This is what happens to people when you care nothing about anyone you know. When you direct your attention to people that require less attention and ignore the ones that do. This is what happens when you take someone that quite literally idolizes you, and s--t on their feelings, and how they built themselves up from the ground. I'm still recovering from the physical and verbal abuse, but I know that no-one is ever treating me or my sisters like that again.
  • Faz from San Diego Ca This is a very deep & emotional song. In this case, im the mother. My daughter has been on drugs, jail & tried to commit suicide 4 times. I love her so much & don't want to lose her. She too is on a lot of medications. Its been rough for her little brother & I but we won't leave her side. Shes getting better and we just want her to find happiness. Thank you Blue October for sharing this song.
  • Tony from Balto, MdThis definitely hits hard. My step sister used to play this song and I always found it a great song to listen to when upset. It’s pain but healing in the same breath. I recently have been feeling out of sorts. I have a woman and child and meanwhile I’m across the ocean. I recently this year got involved with a woman who I thought I was truly in love with only to find she doesn’t have the same feelings displayed for me at all. It hurts because she keeps trying to convince me and herself that she’s in love with me and it’s just jealousy stopping her from loving me when in fact I feel that she stopped loving me a long time ago and just lost interest and now I’m left with regret and pain picking up the pieces of a failed 7 month relationship, it’s true u can’t be friends and f--k eventually one person feels stronger and the other feels nothing or is afraid to show emotion which only causes pain. That’s the irony of things so many people take time getting to know a person that would’ve been easier to never known in the first place.
  • Kay from IdahoIm a recovering heroin addict an in my lowest times in my life this song spoke to me it help me in a way i can't explain
  • Nelly D from Keytesville MoI have three kids that was on drugs I did a lot of worrying and A lot of praying my middle child came to me and said “mom I can’t love like this anymore” my brother in law, my sister and I helped her through a very tough time... but she did it my son and my oldest daughter spent time in prison and that’s how they got clean my son is still struggling with it but he’s doing good. It’s a hard thing for a parent to watch your child go through. I LOVE BLUE OCTOBER!!! Their lyrics hit me right in the heart it’s like I know Justin and I just want to hug him and tell n him in proud of him.
  • Billy-jo Jordan from MichiganLost my son in November. I always liked Blue October, but this hits home. "I realized the selfishness in addiction; I hadn't talked to my mom in months. She was calling and that's the exact message, and that's when it clicked in my mind: It's not just me anymore. These people love you; they raised you."
  • Kayla from Georgia@ Rachel from Earlington, Ky
    IS your ex's name Steven by chance?
  • Daniel from Winchester, OhioI must of wrote that one comment while I was still actually angry at my former best friend, I take it back, thanks to him I actually like a good bit of Blue October songs... I think I wrote the comment out of spite lol
  • Rhiannon from HoustonI love how someone disagreed about the songs meaning because they have a different perspective. They must not have read where Justin, who wrote the song, gave his explanation of exactly what he was feeling and thinking when he wrote the song so I kinda believe him over someone else.
  • Daniel from Winchester, OhioOne of the few Blue October songs that ever got in the charts. It's a shame really.
  • J from Pa, PaThis is clearly a biased view based on personal experiences, but I feel like the song is partly about him hoping anyone who loves him, his mother/girlfriend/whomever, to hate him, so that if he does OD or die for whatever reason, it will hurt them less. He gave them all these reasons to hate him but despite all of them, despite everything he's done to (or not done for) them, they have stuck by them and he hates that he keeps doing it to them (but cannot stop). In general, the fewer people that care about you, the fewer that will be affected by your eventual absence.

    Clearly the rest of the song is an apology as everyone else has said, but based on the music video (where there's a scene with him passed out/dead? on the floor with his mother crying over him), I feel like what I posited could be true. Then again, it could just be projection!
  • Survivor from Orange, CaThe words are so painful and the voice is so intense. I am a mother of a heroin addict and I totally understood where the words are coming from. I first cried when I heard this song because I left so many messages on my daughters phone and begged her to call me just to know that she survived one more day. It got so bad that I finally found her and she looked like death. It truly broke my heart and I feared it was going to lose her any day. Just a couple of days later, she was arrested, and that was when her sobriety began. It's been three years now and she's totally clean, sober, and attending college FULL-TIME! I am so proud of her and she has apologized to me for all the hurt and pain, and I forgive her. Love is powerful and all I can say, is never give up on yourself, or your family.
  • Elizabeth from Cedar Hill, MoKrystin--- I believe every one has a right to their own opinion definitely. However, I feel its enough said just saying I am in that situation. I feel Its the most horrible feeling in the world.......Always b kind 2 ur loved ones, before u know it their gone. I don't try 2 dwell tho its hard but..........sad thing
  • Hannah from Gustavus, OhI am not a drug addict, nor am I suicidal; however, I can relate to this song very deeply. I dated a friend on and off for a while. I really loved him but in the end it turned out he basically used me and led me on. I was willing to look past this and stay friends with him, but seeing him with another girl made me realize that even after several months I was still not over him. I wanted him back but at the same time resented him for hurting me. This led me to say some pretty hurtful things to him, and because of this he shut me out completely. In a way, I'm glad I don't talk to him anymore because seeing him with someone else just tore me up inside, and I feel that's best for me so I can get over him. I just wish that we would have ended on better terms. I wish I could bring myself to hate him for everything he put me through, that way I'd regret things a lot less.
  • Sherry from Lincoln, NeIn a interview with Justin he says "I started out writing the song about my girlfriend but as I continued writing, I realized this song is about My Mother" he continued saying, it is for anyone who stands by the one the love.
  • Rachel from Earlington, Kyi totally feel this song. my ex keeps sayin he loves me and i keep sending him this music video, cuz i love him but i need to get over him cuz i hurt him so much bc of my (ex)drug addiction and he helped me to sober up but i kno if we were ever together, all that old stuff would come rushing back in. i want him to hate me. it'd be soooo much easier
  • Angel from Lucasville, OhRegardless who its about, its easy to relate to! Ive been through the same ordeal with my brother for 10+ years. Ive held his head while he's been withdrawing, drunk, etc..... He's said the same words to me... "Why can you hate me as much as I hate me?" Its just not somthing I can do. And it sounds like this fella had the same kind of love in his life! Kudos, that he could pen it!
  • Michael from Kingman, Azthe song is actually both, his gf and mother. it starts out with his gf and the when he starts singing "im sober now" then it transfers to his mother. He was in a depression over his girlfriend and so he went to a drug addiction and his mother tried helping him out and she did but during all that he treated her like s--t and tried to commit sucide or he o.d. one of the two, and he is trying to tell her to hate him for all the stuff he put her through but she refuses to and she still loves him
  • Mae from Vamcouver, OrBy the way, I adore this song in every way. It plays my heartstrings. If you like this, try chameleon boy by them.
  • Mae from Vamcouver, OrHe specifically says that this is an apology to everyone. The video is based on the recording from his mother at the beggining of the song. I just watched interviews, I'm pretty sure I'm right, but there's always the possibility that I'm not. Hope you guys get your facts straight.
  • Lydia from Liverpool, United Kingdomit really doesn't matter what or who the song is about it's just a great song, appreciate it. I love this song and all other blue october songs sooo much :D
  • Halie from Cow Town, Caok im not sure if this is true but i heard thathe was planning to commit suicide...his music career was going nowhere n thats y he is saying "i have to block out songs of you so i dnt lose my head". n this is pretty much telling them, thankyou for all u did for me n is saying y they should hate him n y he is going to kill himself...but its probly not right so if im wrong sorry
  • Skyler from Omaha, NeI think in away we can all amend to this song. In our lives we'll either play one of two parts,either the nice good person whos been hurt one two many times. Or the hurts inside an is looking for an escape. But which ever one u r remember improve who u r bekuz in the end we can all lose who we truly r...Carlos Opico
  • Landon from Winchester, OhThe first time I heard this song, I thought it could be anything I would expect from Blue October, nothing extraordinary. I listened to it on my computer, enjoyed it, but often never got more than a few plays every few weeks. Until I went to sleep one night and had this really weird dream. I was taken five years into the future, finally beginning to make up with a past girlfriend that I struggled with. Through our age differences and the lack of respect I got from her family, things were really rough. She gave up on me and went for someone else. Anyway, I just graduated from high school, had a pickup truck and a license, and I was driving to the county fair one summer. Blue October's "Hate Me" seemed to be coming on consistantly on all the radio stations I would turn it to, so I heard it the entire time. Finally, I parked my truck in a space, and saw her running to me. She had tears in her eyes, I held my arms out, and held her next to me. She kept screaming, "Landon! Please don't think I'm a loser!" It's really weird. Because since I had that dream, we've actually began to talk a little bit more. This changed the way I listen to this song, making it more signifigant and possibly relatable.
  • Jeffrey from Lockport, Ilaccually in an interview about this song, he says the song is about the relationships in general, and that its sorry to ANYONE hes hurt, including his mom, and his gf

  • Marc from Bruno, Mnhe pored out his heart in this song, that why its a big hit... respect
  • Joely from London, United KingdomKids it's about his mum and ex girl/s anyway what does it matter , we should be able to interperate it in our own way , thats why blue october is such a provocative band , because it doesnt turf up knowlage about the writers experiance , it reminds you of a personal situation , where you could have been the one writing the words.


  • Kevin from Knoxville, TnWe're all losers in a way...no way around it, but the things some of you guys are saying and arguing about is just stupid....plain and put!!!
  • Gabbi from New York, NyIt doesn't matter if the lyrics were inspired by his mother or his girlfriend, because the song is about him. Why can't you all just enjoy the song, feel what it has to say, and interpret it is as you may. They say two people can look at the exact same thing, and see something completely different. We all have our own interpretations of this song, and they are all correct. Okay? :D
  • Jenny from Eastern Wa, WaWhy are you guys even arguing about this? It could be anything or anyone or everyone! It doesn't have to be one in particular. You're missing the point. I know what Lauren's talking about, but no you're not a loser, it just feels like it. :)
  • Reed from N/a, New Zealandthe song is about him wantin his gf to hate him.
    the refercences about his mum are just her being worried bout him. if it were about his mum the line "Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home" would make me wonder weather the song should be played with a banjo(no offence intended to anyone that dose play the banjo im sure your mothers a lovley lady). loved the song till i relized that if you really loved someone youd do what it takes to change not just take the cowards way out. sorry.
  • Leah from Foresthill, Ca"Hate Me" Is a "public apology" if you will.
  • Lauren from Jackson, MsThis song is so real.. and if you are a friend(and you know what I am talking about) Then you know EXACTLY what this song is about.. I cried like all the way to NOLA when I was 1st getting sober listening to this song... Im such a loser
  • H from New York, NyAt the beginning of the song, the lyrics to "Calling You" are playing. Just before his mother's voice comes on.
  • Bill from Iceland, Icelandi just read the lyrics. 2cnd opinion read the lst verse of the song nd i think it means i never realized how much u did for me until u were dying nd i realized what i've dun
  • Bill from Iceland, Icelandi meant he tuk it for granted but now cnt show her how much he appreciated her.
  • Bill from Iceland, Icelandi think it is about his mother caring for him nd helping him beat problems like alchahol but he appreceated it but now he cant cuz she dies.hence the grave
  • David from Hanove, WvEither way, if its about a girlfriend, his mother, whatever..This song is a very painful, but therapeudic song when you stop and listen to Justin's voice..Im sure that all of us have went through some really messed up stuff in our lives that made us feel like giving up..You cant forgive yourself, the ones around you, and you cant come to grasp with the things you did in your past..Im like this now when I look back at how F***ed up my life really has been and cry..But I never let go of the ones that have tried to help me..At times, I want people to hate me for the things that Ive done, and some really do..But its the REAL people that love me and know that we all make mistakes..And they're willing to live and let die..This song helps me open my eyes to that realization when I hear it..
  • Jessica from Broken Arrow, OkYa Krystin...... it is about his mohter. Even if you look at the lyrics or the video you can see it.
  • Stacy from Schaumburg, IlTHANK YOU JUSTIN. My son never apologized, doesnt feel anything for what he did. never thanked his family for always being there for him. his first name is quite similar to your own and when i play the song over and over i pretend it is him finally accepting what he did and in some way thanking me for always being there. i never gave up. we haven't spoken to each other in three years since his wedding. his fiance has somehow made me the bad guy for his drinking and takes the credit that she saved him. but she wasn't even in the picture when he began at 17 years old. it was me. for the next 11 years. it was me that bailed him out of jail after that accident that left her unconcious in the hospital. when i asked him why didn't she drive he replied that she was in worse condition.
  • Giselle from Omahg, IrelandWhat i got out of the song was that Justin is singing about his mother. Through out his drugged life, his mother was the one that checked up on him, helped him when he was down, etc. and he treated her like sh*t. He wants his mother to hate him for what he put her through and she won't.
  • Julia from Pleasant Grove, UtTo Steven, it's not obvious that the song is about him mom. You said, "Justin felt that he wasn't doing anything but hurting her, so he wrote "And with a sad heart, I say bye to you and wave" to tell everyone that he didn't want to leave, but had to for her well-being."

    Couldn't all of that also be something that he said about his mother? He has guilt about his behaviors and choices. She was always there for him, but he knew that it was best for her if he just left.

    I think it could be taken either way, but the mother seems more of a fit to me based on the beginning and end of the song.
  • Dylan from Port Orange, FlThis song is so depressing. I heard it on the way to summer camp in Georgia, and it made me want to cut myself.
  • Chase from L Town, Ksok what the guy below me said is mainly true but it is about his mom and other realtionships that he has runied and whatits not only about him its about other band members realtionships, iv veiwed inter views about it and have heard it and seen the video many times.
  • Richard from Abbotsford, WaJust to clarify my post; there are several interviews with Justin, but in the interview he gave to Ink 19 magazine he said this when asked if Hate Me was a confessional:
    "It?s a confessional to a person I was in a relationship with that I really screwed over with drug addiction, lies and selfishness. But it?s not just about a girl and a boy anymore ? it?s a broader aspect of me looking at myself and going, ?Yeah, you screwed the relationship up, but it didn?t start there. It started with you and your mother and your father and all the stupid sh*t you would do and lie about.? It?s not just about love and loss. It was about, ?I?m such an awful person, and I really need some help.?

    The full interview can be found here: http://www.ink19.com/issues/june2006/interviews/blueOctoberReality.html
  • Richard from Abbotsford, WaStraight from the proverbial horse's mouth, the song is about a relationship with a girl (not his Mom), but Justin (from Blue October who wrote the song) also noted that the time being referred to in this song was saturated in emotions caused not only by this relationship which he screwed up but also by feelings generated by his relationship with his (at that time) estranged mother and family. These details were revealed in a recent interview with Justin while he was promoting their concert tour. So the song is about a girlfriend but his mother and family play a key role because his whole world was sort of coming unglued at that time.
  • Alexander from New Haven, Ctoh, then i guess thats the tiebreaker.
  • Catherine from San Antonio, Txyeah, it is about his mom. it's in an interview with him. i feel like it could apply to a girlfriend too
  • Alexander from New Haven, CtKaleen was probably the closest one to the truth in my opinion.
  • Alexander from New Haven, CtAre you seeing a pattern here? whoever judges by the video says it's about his mom and whoever judges by the lyrics says its his girlfriend. you cant correct each other validly because you are both right in your particular areas.
  • Katherine from Akron, OhI don't think songs and their music videos always match up and there are always multiple meanings
  • Tara from Cambridge, OhITS ABOUT HIS MOM!
  • Kaleen from Oakland, MiWhat if its about his mom AND his girlfriend?
  • Wesley from Oklahoma City, OkActually, the song is about his mother. For those who says otherwise, the video proves it all.
  • Steven from Little Rock, ArActually, if you listen to the lyrics, the song is about his girlfriend. He sings of a time when his drug use became dangerous, and at times, nearly killed him. His girlfriend, though hurt, was always by his side, helping him through the problems. Justin felt that he wasn't doing anything but hurting her, so he wrote "And with a sad heart, I say bye to you and wave" to tell everyone that he didn't want to leave, but had to for her well-being.
  • Stephen from Kansas City, Ksthe song is totally about his mom
  • Jessica from Laurel, MdSorry Chris but you are the one that is wrong not Krystin. If you watch the video you will see that he is singing about his mom not his girlfriend. And you know it is his mom because at one point she takes a picture of him and his girlfriend. When he is talking about her holding his head up while he throws up it shows his mom doing it. When he talks about suicide it shows his mom crying over him. Everything he talks about it shows his mom doing not his girlfriend.
  • Chris from Dallas, TxSorry Krystin, but it is you that is wrong. Yes, the song starts off with a message from his mom, but the song is not about his mom. It is clearly about a girlfriend. Just look at the lyrics.
  • Meghan from Tipperary, Irelandthis song is amazing!i love it so much!
  • Krystin from Pants, Canadafirst of all, this is quite wrong..
    it's about him being a drunk/drug addict, and his mother helping him sober up.
    he is appologizing for never doing anything for his mother, seeing as she has done pretty much everything and anything for him.
    and by the time she dies, he doesn't know what to do with himself.
    sorry just had to clarify that.
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