Hate Myself

Album: Build a Problem (2021)

Songfacts®:

  • Dodie Clark is an open book when it comes to detailing her struggles with mental health issues; she frequently talks about them in her song lyrics and in online videos. The singer has even written a book, Secrets for the Mad: Obsessions, Confessions and Life Lessons, where she discusses her experience with abusive relationships, low self-esteem, and serious depression.

    Because she's such an open person, Dodie finds it difficult if other people deal with their personal issues internally. When they don't communicate their problems, Dodie assumes she is the cause of it. During this song, she sings of the anxiety she feels in the silence of others.
  • Could it be different? Did I ruin the day?
    Oh, do you look angry? Oh, what did I say?
    Filling in the gaps, build a problem that
    Neither of us needs, something wrong with me
    I'm getting desperate, losing my mind


    Dodie explained in a pre-release livestream the song is about passive aggression. "It's like a feeling that I have to deal with when someone else in my life, be it a partner or a friend," she said.

    Dodie added when the person goes quiet and starts dealing with their issues internally, she freaks out, thinking she's the problem: "What have I done, to make you feel upset?"
  • Dodie wrote this song before the COVID lockdown started in spring 2020. The laughing we hear after the first verse is an audio clip of her and some friends chuckling together during a trip.
  • Dodie's go-to collaborator, British-Algerian independent filmmaker and YouTuber Sammy Paul, directed the music video. They shot it over a few days in the Cornish seaside village of Polperro, and on a boat in London.

    The video came from Dodie and Paul's idea of showing her training to become a postal worker. Said the singer: "Though jogging on cliff tops in the rain, carrying a large sack and slipping in the mud was certainly cold and exhausting, I think I preferred it to slowly feeling sicker, licking stamps on a swaying boat by the Excel."

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