Hilary Duff first met songwriter Matthew Koma around 2015 when he worked on her album Breathe In. Breathe Out. They dated on and off before marrying on December 21, 2019, in a small ceremony at their Los Angeles home. "Roommates" is what happens after the wedding photos are filed away and real life begins elbowing its way into the bedroom.
The song uses the idea of literal roommates as a metaphor for a long-term relationship that has misplaced its spark somewhere between carpool schedules and the recycling bin. The song's opening line cuts to the heart of the issue.
I can barely mention it without causing some ego trauma"Ego trauma" is about the moment when expressing a need becomes misread as a personal attack. "They feel diminished or embarrassed. It becomes a blow to their ego, instead of them being able to hear what you're actually asking for,"
Duff explained to V magazine.
Much of "Roommates" lives in an exhausted space. Duff and Koma are busy keeping the machinery of life running - careers, kids, schedules, obligations - and somewhere along the way, physical intimacy slips quietly out the back door.
But I know you're sensing how I'm tryna give you hints
Physical affection goes a long way with me
Duff said the moment in their relationship that inspired the song was after what she describes as "a f---ing s--t ton of kids." Everything felt different hormonally, emotionally, physically. Nights were spent feeding children, supervising homework, racing between activities, and then collapsing into bed only to stare at the ceiling. The song, she says, is intentionally polarizing because that's how it feels to be unseen inside a life you worked hard to build.
Written by Duff with Koma and producer Brian Phillips, "Roommates" draws directly from their blended household. The couple share three daughters together, and Koma is stepfather to Duff's son Luca from her previous marriage. Rather than presenting family life as a triumph or a trap, the song sits in the uneasy middle, where love is intact but attention is scarce. Duff described it as "the ache for a wilder, freer time," before days were swallowed by errands, budgets, and the slow creep of insecurity.
Directed by Matty Peacock, the video stars actor Brandon Gray opposite Duff. The imagery of rain pouring through the ceiling of an apartment echoes Duff's 2004 breakout single "
Come Clean," where rain fell outside the windows as a teenage metaphor for emotional clarity. Twenty-two years later, the rain is indoors, soaking the walls. The confusion hasn't disappeared; it's just moved inside and unpacked.
The video closes with the couple walking toward each other as the physical structures around them collapse; a visual shorthand for the idea that reconnection is still possible, even after the scaffolding of daily life has taken over.
"Roommates" grabbed attention fast thanks to a cheeky reference to masturbation that went viral and sparked a wave of backlash. Duff admitted she was floored by how shocked some fans were, especially those who still pegged her as the Disney Channel sweetheart.
"I think that probably my initial reaction was like, 'Oh, they just haven't, like, evolved yet.' And I don't care at all," she said on the Call Her Daddy Podcast. One of the more bewildering reactions came from a listener asking if she performed such acts in front of her children. Duff's response? "No, what? Are you OK?"
Duff stressed on the Call Her Daddy Podcast the song wasn't meant to be deliberately raunchy. Instead, it's a reflection of that tense emotional moment when a relationship starts to feel more like a roommate situation than a romance.
"It's a plea and I think that's relatable to women," she explained.
She added that it was important the song felt polarizing, mirroring the emotional turbulence of a lull in a relationship when you're desperate to work things out.
