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So the drunker they got the began to write the song. In the video it's his grandma he is singing about. She gets naked at his pool party and dives in the pool.
The woman in the song is an adulteress. She's cheating on her husband. The "lost" items were removed in preparation for sex with her paramour, then either lost or forgotten afterward. When she gets home, the singer confronts her about the missing items, and she comes up with these LAME excuses. Women do not remove their shoes in bars, and certainly don't forget them. Earrings get lost all the time, by stone cold sober women. The probability of losing them has nothing to do with how drunk a woman is, only how effective the clasping mechanism is. No woman would allow any item of clothing to come in contact with anything in a bar bathroom. Contact lenses do frequently come out and get lost, but no more often when the wearer is drunk, and no more often when drinking tequila than with other drinks. And there's only one reason for a woman to remove her pantyhose when away from home, and it isn't a Bon Jovi song. Speaking of which, hotel bars are not usually wild party places. The music, if they have any at all, is usually elevator music from a CD, not Bon Jovi by a DJ. One thing all hotel bars do have, though, is a hotel.
From the singer's point of view, one of two things is going on. Either he is so madly in love with the woman (or so full of pride in his own prowess) that he cannot accept the fact that she is cheating on him; or he knows damn well that she's cheating on him and he's retelling her lame excuses, with an unspoken "yeah, right" at the end of each. As for the woman, I don't think she even cares if he knows, as she didn't bother coming up with more believable excuses for the missing items. In fact, she may be intentionally rubbing his nose in it by admitting she went to the Holiday Inn.
The song is actually quite brilliant. In the same way that the singer is hiding his pain by believing her lame excuses, the songwriters are hiding the true meaning of the song with fun (or as you called them, juvenile) lyrics.