Welcome, welcome, welcome To this great arena Durham, North Carolina The heart of the research triangle We've come to this particular place tonight We've gotta look at things from every angle We need some answers to some complicated questions If we're going to get it right To that end we have here gathered Some of the most expensive scientists in the world Eminent scientists, that is We got biologists, biometricians We got a quantum mechanic and astrophysicians We got a cosmologist and cosmeticians We got an astronaut, we got an astroboy
We got he-doctors, she-doctors Knee doctors, tea doctors We got a lumberjack and a life coach
On the other side, we have the true believers We got the Baptists, the Methodists, the Presbyterians Episcopalians are here, pass the hat We got the Shakers, the Quakers The anti-innoculators The big-boss line from Madison Town The Six Blind Boys, Five Tons of Joy Give 'em room or get outta the way We got a Bible-belter from the Mississippi delta Have them all arraigned
Scientists, are you ready? First question Dark matter Ooh, dark matter Get me someone who knows somethin' about space Nice space music, Georgie Alright, what is it? Where is it? Can we get some? Stand up sir, what's your- You are standing, forgive me Dark matter, go ahead
Dark matter is out in space It's seventy-five percent of everything Just a moment, sir Do yourself a favor, use our music, people like it and Your music's making people sick Alright, it's a free country Go ahead with dark matter, what is it? We don't know what it is But we think it's everywhere I'll take a look at it Can we get someone down here? Of course not!
Let me get this straight You don't know what it is You don't know where it is And we can't get any Put that to the one side Let's put the Lord, faith, eternity Whatever on the other side Show 'em Vance
I'll take Jesus, I'll take Jesus I'll take Jesus everytime I'll take Jesus, I'll take Jesus I'll take Jesus everytime Yes, I would Yes, I would Yes, I would Yes, I would I'll take Jesus, I'll take Jesus I'll take Jesus everytime
Alright One-nothing Next one is going to be a hard one It's about the theory of evolution And it's about animals also So get me someone who knows somethin' about evolution and animals Who you got?
Woah You're a beautiful woman, aren't you? It doesn't matter of course This science thing doesn't work out for you Don't boo me, don't boo me I'm just kidding, you know that Here's my question Explain me the giraffe Go ahead Elaborate with pleasure, miss The giraffe, to survive, must eat leaves high up on the Yabba Yabba tree That's true, isn't it? Of course it is, everyone knows that But Mr. Darwin's giraffe, a half-way giraffe, with a half-way giraffe neck Could never reach the highest branches of the Yabba Yabba Therefore, it could not have survived It's only common sense Unfortunately for you, Mr. Charles Darwin didn't have any common sense Evolution is a theory And we have just now, tonight, disproved it Show of hands
I'll take Jesus, I'll take Jesus I'll take Jesus everytime I'll take Jesus, I'll take Jesus I'll take Jesus everytime Yes, I would Yes, I would Yes, I would Yes, I would I'll take Jesus everytime
Alright, two-nothing Next question, global warming Is it? And if so, so what? One the true believers seems to be recognized Hand over a mic, Charles Thank you
Sir, you know what you are You're an idiot You're a strong man, a fabrication You see, the author of this little vignette, Mr. Newman Self-described atheist and communist Creates characters like you as objects of ridicule He doesn't to believe anything he has you say Nor does he want us to believe anything you say Makes it easy for him to knock you down, hence a strong man I myself, believe in Jesus I believe in evolution also I believe in global warming And in life everlasting No one can knock me down
Oh, we can knock you down, mister We can knock your communist friend down, too Communist? He called me an idiot We've been knocking people like Mr. Newman down for years and years Like this, sir Page 35 Georgie Miss Dorothy, page 35
I know someone is watching me Everywhere I go Someone sees everything I see Knows everything I know When I'm in trouble, don't have a friend It's him somebody who I can be friends with Someone who'll be there till the very end Someone is watching me
Someone is watching me Someone is watching me For so long I was too blind to see Someone is watching Someone is watching Someone is watching me
Take a look back, ladies and gentlemen 15, 20, 25 minutes Depending on how the merchandise is moving We'll be right back
Writer/s: Randy Newman
Publisher: Universal Music Publishing Group
Lyrics licensed and provided by LyricFind
Phil Oakey recorded his vocals for "Don't You Want Me" in the studio bathroom. The recording was disrupted by guitarist Jo Callis reaching through an open window from outside to repeatedly flush one of the toilets.