If I Was The King

Album: All You Can Eat (2014)
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  • If I was the King
    I would get myself a bitchin' crown
    And I'd make all the bitches call me Sir Michael Starr
    I'd have a castle and a bitchin' throne
    And at night I'd go in the town
    In a big stretch Hummer with a hot tub and a bar

    If I was the King
    I would outlaw clothes for chicks
    So you could see if the shaved their pussies
    Or if they were hiding dicks
    I'd lower the drinking age
    So little kids could get drunk too
    And I'd make it a fucking crime to wear a wedding ring
    If I was the King

    That'd be fuckin' nice right?

    I'd knock down all the schools
    And put up licquor stores
    And give free boobjobs to the strippers and the whores
    I would outlaw common sense
    Feed the homeless to the wolves
    And if you didn't like Steel Panther you'd go to jail!

    If I was the King
    I'd make beer the official food
    And you'd never have to take the trash out
    If you happen to be born a dude
    You could buy hand grenades at Starbucks
    And take a shit right on the street
    And I'd kill Katy Perry so I wouldn't have to hear her sing
    If I was the King

    Her comes the court jester man!

    And if the motherfucking peasents didn't like it
    I would tell them all to suck my dick
    Suck my dick
    Suck my dick

    Legalize masturbation
    At every strip joint in the nation
    And the minimum cup size would have to be a double D
    Oh yeah
    But if you were in a band
    You wouldn't have to use your hand
    There'd be mandatory blowjobs for guys like you and me!

    If I was the King
    Megan Fox would be my Queen
    But I'd still fuck Christie Brinkley
    And any girl older than 16
    I'd execute One Direction
    And drop a nuke on the Middle East
    But I'd take the oil first so we wouldn't have to feel the sting
    If I was the King
    If I was the King
    If I was the King Writer/s: Darren Leader, Ralph Saenz, Russell Parrish, Travis Haley
    Publisher: BMG Rights Management
    Lyrics licensed and provided by LyricFind

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