Step Right Up

Album: Small Change (1976)
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  • Step right up, step right up, step right up
    Everyone's a winner, bargains galore
    That's right, you too can be the proud owner
    Of the quality goes in before the name goes on

    One-tenth of a dollar, one-tenth of a dollar
    We got service after sales
    How 'bout perfume? We got perfume, how 'bout an engagement ring?
    Something for the little lady, something for the little lady
    Something for the little lady, hmm

    Three for a dollar
    We got a year-end clearance, we got our white sale
    And our smoke-damaged furniture, you can drive it away today
    Act now, act now and receive as our gift, our gift to you
    They come in all colors, one size fits all
    No muss, no fuss, no spills, you're tired of kitchen drudgery
    Everything must go, going out of business, going out of business
    Going out of business sale

    Fifty percent off original retail price, skip the middle man
    Don't settle for less
    How do we do it? How do we do it?
    Volume, volume, turn up the volume
    Now you've heard it advertised, don't hesitate
    Don't be caught with your drawers down
    Don't be caught with your drawers down
    You can step right up, step right up

    That's right, it filets, it chops, it dices, slices
    Never stops, lasts a lifetime, mows your lawn
    And it mows your lawn and it picks up the kids from school
    It gets rid of unwanted facial hair
    It gets rid of embarrassing age spots
    It delivers a pizza and it lengthens and it strengthens
    And it finds that slipper that's been at large
    Under the chaise lounge for several weeks
    And it plays a mean Rhythm Master
    It makes excuses for unwanted lipstick on your collar
    And it's only a dollar, step right up
    It's only a dollar, step right up

    'Cause it forges your signature
    If not completely satisfied, mail back unused portion of product
    For complete refund of price of purchase
    Step right up

    Please allow thirty days for delivery
    Don't be fooled by cheap imitations
    You can live in it, live in it, laugh in it, love in it
    Swim in it, sleep in it
    Live in it, swim in it, laugh in it, love in it
    Removes embarrassing stains from contour sheets that's right
    And it entertains visiting relatives
    It turns a sandwich into a banquet

    Tired of being the life of the party?
    Change your shorts, change your life, change your life
    Change into a nine-year-old Hindu boy, get rid of your wife
    And it walks your dog and it doubles on sax
    Doubles on sax, you can jump back Jack
    See you later alligator, see you later alligator
    And it steals your car

    It gets rid of your gambling debts, it quits smoking
    It's a friend, it's a companion
    It's the only product you will ever need
    Follow these easy assembly instructions, it never needs ironing
    Well, it takes weights off hips, bust, thighs, chin, midriff
    Gives you dandruff and it finds you a job, it is a job
    And it strips the phone company free, take ten for five exchange
    And it gives you denture breath
    And you know it's a friend and, and it's a companion
    And it gets rid of your traveler's checks

    It's new, it's improved, it's old-fashioned
    Well, it takes care of business
    Never needs winding, never needs winding, never needs winding
    Gets rid of blackheads, heartbreak, or psoriasis
    Christ, you don't know the meaning of heartbreak, buddy
    C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon

    'Cause it's effective, it's defective, it creates household odors
    It disinfects, it's sanitized for your protection
    It gives you an erection, it wins the election
    Why put up with painful corns any longer?
    It's a redeemable coupon, no obligation
    No salesman will visit your home
    We got a jackpot, jackpot, jackpot
    Prizes, prizes, prizes
    All work guaranteed

    How do we do it? How do we do it?
    How do we do it? How do we do it?
    We need your business, we're going out of business
    We'll give you the business
    Get on the business end of our going-out-of-business sale
    Receive our free brochure, free brochure
    Read the easy-to-follow assembly instructions
    Batteries not included
    Send before midnight tomorrow, terms available
    Step right up, step right up, step right up

    You got it, buddy, the large print giveth
    And the small print taketh away
    Step right up, you can step right up, you can step right up
    C'mon, step right up
    Ah, get away from me kid, you're botherin' me
    Step right up, step right up, step right up,
    Ah, mmm, ah
    C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon
    Step right up, you can step right up, c'mon and step right up
    C'mon and step right up Writer/s: Thomas Alan Waits
    Publisher: BMG Rights Management, JALMA MUSIC
    Lyrics licensed and provided by LyricFind

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