Lose You to Love Me

Album: Rare (2019)
Charted: 3 1
Play Video

Songfacts®:

  • This melancholy tale of self-discovery finds Selena Gomez explaining what a destructive relationship did to her. Is seems she took a hit to her self esteem when her former boyfriend went for another girl. During the second verse, Gomez recalls the pain she felt seeing her ex move on so quickly after their breakup.

    In two months, you replaced us
    Like it was easy
    Made me think I deserved it


    Gomez comes to the realization that she can only properly love herself after she closes that chapter of her life.

    I needed to lose you to find me
    This dancing was killing me softly
    I needed to hate you to love me
  • While Gomez has not revealed the specific inspiration for the emotional song, some fans have speculated it is about her ex-boyfriend Justin Bieber. Their on-again, off-again relationship started in 2010 and only ended for good when the Canadian pop star married model Hailey Baldwin in late 2018.

    A potential clue is the "two months you replaced us" line in the second verse. Bieber was first spotted with Baldwin in June 2018, just two months after he and Gomez reportedly split in April.
  • Gomez herself said the song was inspired by many things that have happened in her life since the release of her Revival album in 2015. She added: "I want people to feel hope and to know you will come out the other side stronger and a better version of yourself."
  • Gomez co-wrote the track with Justin Tranter and Julia Michaels. The pair also worked with the singer on her Revival album, including the hit single "Good For You."
  • The piano-driven ballad was produced by:

    Swedish duo Mattman & Robin, who previously collaborated with Gomez on her "Hands To Myself" single.

    Finneas, who is Billie Eilish's brother and collaborator. This is the first time he has worked on a Selena Gomez track.
  • The intense, black-and-white music video, directed by Sophie Muller, was shot entirely on an iPhone. It centers on Gomez looking directly into the camera and standing alone as she performs the song.
  • So what does Hailey Baldwin think of "Lose You to Love Me"? We're not sure, but the model certainly stirred up the Selenators when minutes after Gomez dropped the song, she uploaded onto Instagram a photo of Summer Walker's "I'll Kill You"; that track is about not letting another girl come between her and her man.

    Baldwin immediately denied the rumors, claiming her Instagram post has nothing to do with Gomez. "Please stop with this nonsense... there is no 'response,'" she wrote about the gossip. "This is complete BS."
  • Selena Gomez dropped another song, "Look at Her Now," the day after "Lose You to Love Me" was released. Both tracks were written with Julia Michaels and Justin Tranter about moving on after a turbulent relationship. However, "Look at Her Now" is more upbeat and dance-orientated than this number.

    "I think they make a logical pairing because of the topics," Julia Michaels told Billboard. "One is talking about needing to let go of something in order to find power, and the next one is owning that power. I think that's the main reason why they work so well together."
  • The two songs were written by the trio during separate studio sessions in early 2018. Michaels told Billboard she thinks "Lose You to Love Me" was penned on Valentine's Day. None of them were in a relationship, and all three were feeling cranky about love that particular day. They started talking about things that were going on in their lives that they wanted to overcome, which is how 'Lose You to Love Me' came about. "The song is about letting go of things that hold you back in order to find your self-worth," Michaels explained, "that inner love for yourself."
  • "Lose You to Love Me" was Selena Gomez' first ever Hot 100 #1. Her previous best chart placing was #5, for both "Good For You" and "Same Old Love."
  • The song marked the second Hot 100 #1 for writers Julia Michaels and Justin Tranter, following Justin Bieber's "Sorry" in 2016.
  • Following an emotional breakdown, Selena Gomez checked into a mental health treatment center. She penned this song shortly after returning home.

    "When I walked in, it was literally just the piano and the chorus and a bit of the first verse, and I just sat there," Gomez told Beats 1's Zane Lowe. "And I tell people this, too, because it was also such a very raw moment. A, I had just gotten back, but B, we were in the bright daylight, and that's not normally how you're maybe talking about something like that."
  • Gomez confirmed the song was indeed about her relationship with Justin Bieber in a 2020 interview with NPR's Weekend Edition Sunday. "I felt I didn't get a respectful closure, and I had accepted that, but I know I needed some way to just say a few things that I wish I had said," she explained. "It's not a hateful song; it's a song that is saying - I had something beautiful and I would never deny that it wasn't that. It was very difficult and I'm happy it's over. And I felt like this was a great way to just say, you know, it's done, and I understand that, and I respect that, and now here I am stepping into a whole other chapter."

    Gomez added that she was the victim of emotional abuse in her relationship with Bieber but she used the experience to become stronger. "I had to understand the choices I was making," she said. "As much as I definitely don't want to spend the rest of my life talking about this, I am really proud that I can say I feel the strongest I've ever felt and I've found a way to just walk through it with as much grace as possible."
  • Selena Gomez confirmed in an interview with NPR's Lulu Garcia-Navarro that her relationship with Justin Bieber did serve as inspiration for "Lose You to Love Me." Gomez admitted the track helped her find closure after splitting from the Canadian pop star.

    "It has a different meaning to me now from when I wrote it. I felt I didn't get a respectful closure, and I had accepted that, but I know I needed some way to just say a few things that I wish I had said.

    It's not a hateful song. It's a song that is saying, 'I had something beautiful and I would never deny that it wasn't that'. It was very difficult and I'm happy it's over. And I felt like this was a great way to just say, 'You know, it's done, and I understand that, and I respect that, and now here I am stepping into a whole other chapter.'"

Comments: 2

  • Bethany Ellis from Knoxville, TennI love that song it reminded me of my relationship with William. It’ll be on my wedding ceremony when I walk down with Ben.
  • Al from CanadaSelena is sweet and her music is is definitely worthy of awards !!
see more comments

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