X-M@$

Album: Single Release Only (2010)
Charted: 37
  • Ho Ho Ho Ho!

    There ain't nothing more depressing than a pine tree
    Gussied up candy canes and balls
    Those carolers have kept me up for hours
    It's Merry Christmas seeping through my walls
    Now I'm no wiccan commie or nothing
    But there's one damn holiday that I can't stand
    It ain't Halloween or Thanksgiving or even April Fools
    But it'll surely make a fool out of every man
    HA

    If I ain't drunk then it ain't Christmas
    You know where to stick those jingle bells
    If I ain't hammered it ain't hanukkah
    And all you motherfuckers go to hell
    If I ain't cockeyed then it Kwanzaa
    Joy to the world and jack and coke
    If I ain't drunk then it ain't Christmas
    Cause I never anything but broke

    Now every year the malls are just a madhouse
    Full of empty pockets, thoughts and smiles
    Just the smell of Eggnog makes me vomit
    And those colored lights are fucking infantile
    I think we collectively as the people
    Should rise against this corporate jolly noise
    And tell the world:
    "Let's buy some piece and quiet for a change"
    Before we spend it all on fucking toys.
    HA

    So if I ain't drunk then it ain't Christmas
    You know where to stick those jingle bells
    If I ain't hammered it ain't hanukkah
    Fa la la la la go fuck yourself!
    If I ain't cockeyed it ain't Kwanzaa
    Joy to the world of getting stoned
    If I ain't drunk then it ain't Christmas
    So leave this god damn scrooge the fuck alone.
    HA

    MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS!

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