Joel the Lump Of Coal

Album: Single Release Only (2014)
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  • Some time ago, at Santa's place
    Up in the old North Pole
    There lived a lump of anthracite
    Whose parents called him Joel

    Joel, Joel, the lump of coal
    Happy as a lump can be
    He just wants to keep Santa warm
    And make the elves cozy

    But Santa Claus had other plans
    For Joel one fateful day
    "Joel, you're just the lump I need
    Come join me on my sleigh"

    Joel, Joel, the lump of coal
    Heart leapt up with joy
    "I'll soon be Santa's present to
    A lucky girl or boy

    We'll laugh and play together
    And hold each other tight
    Snuggle under clean white sheets
    When we go to sleep at night"

    Then Santa's elves all laughed at Joel
    "You're in for a surprise
    You're not a special Christmas gift
    You're just a booby prize

    What kid would ever want you?
    You're filthy as can be
    Now you have to go and live
    With one who's been naughty"

    "But I make heat," poor Joel cried
    "And electricity"
    "You pollute the air
    With CO2 and mercury"

    Joel, Joel, the lump of coal
    Fell down upon his knees
    "I don't wanna live with a naughty kid
    Don't make me, Santa, please"

    But Santa laughed his jolly laugh
    "Ho, ho, you stupid lump
    You're just the thing to teach this brat
    That Santa ain't no chump"

    So off they flew and, before he knew
    Joel was in a sack
    He cried and yelled to Santa Claus
    "Why don't we just go back?"

    And then came Christmas morning
    And, much to Joel's surprise (Much to Joel's surprise)
    He saw a boy with the saddest face
    And tears were in his eyes (Tears were in his eyes)

    He picked Joel up and held him
    And said "You can be my friend (Hey man, let's be friends)
    I would've liked some presents but
    You're what Santa chose to send (Santa chose to send)

    It's true, I've been a naughty boy
    And maybe that's a sin (Maybe that's a sin)
    If this is how Santa treats the kids
    I'm just glad that I'm not him"

    Joel, Joel, the lump of coal
    Knew what he must do
    He said "Now I know the reason why
    I got sent to you

    Cause when a person hurts inside
    It turns him hard and cruel
    But I know how to make your pain
    Into a precious jewel

    So take me in your hand, young man
    And squeeze with all your might
    Let's turn your pain and anger
    Into something that shines bright"

    Then Joel, Joel, the lump of coal
    He gave his life away
    So that one good naughty little boy
    Had a diamond on Christmas day Writer/s: BRANDON RICHARD FLOWERS, DAVID KEUNING, MARK STOERMER, RONNIE VANNUCCI
    Publisher: Universal Music Publishing Group
    Lyrics licensed and provided by LyricFind

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