Skipper Dan

Album: Alpocalypse (2011)
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  • I starred in every high school play
    Blew every drama teacher away
    I graduated first in my class at Juilliard
    Took every acting workshop I could
    And I dreamed of Hollywood
    While I read my Uta Hagen and studied the Bard
    Hit the boards and paid my dues
    And got phenomenal rave reviews
    I knew the world was gonna love me, without a doubt
    I was sure that Tarantino would be callin' me on the phone
    Annie Leibovitz would shoot me for Rolling Stone
    But the years have come and gone
    And I'm sorry to say that's not the way that it's all worked out
    I'm a tour guide on the Jungle Cruise ride
    Skipper Dan is the name
    And I'm doin' 34 shows every day
    And every time it's the same
    Look at those hippos, they're wigglin' their ears
    Just like they've done for the last 50 years
    Now I'm laughin' at my own jokes but I'm cryin' inside
    Cause I'm workin' on the Jungle Cruise ride
    Oh, the critics, they used to say
    I was the new Olivier
    Thought I'd be the toast of Sundance or maybe Cannes
    Aw, but don't bother tryin' to IMDB me
    The only place you might possibly see me
    Is ridin' my little boat around Adventureland
    It ain't exactly what I planned
    But I'm a tour guide on the Jungle Cruise ride
    Skipper Dan is the name
    And I'm doin 34 shows every day
    And every time it's the same
    I would've killed if I'd been in "Speed The Plow"
    But what's the difference, that's all behind me now
    Cause I'm payin' the rent and I'm swallowin my pride
    And I'm workin' on the Jungle Cruise ride
    I should be there on Broadway
    Knockin' 'em dead in "12 Angry Men"
    But instead I'm here tellin' these lame jokes
    Again and again and again and again and again and again and again
    Bengal Tigers can jump over 20 feet!
    That's an African bull elephant
    And there it is, the backside of water!
    What have I done with my life?!
    I should a listened when my grandfather said
    "Why don't you major in business instead?"
    Now my hopes have all vanished and my dreams have all died
    And I'll probably work forever as a tour guide on the Jungle Cruise ride
    Skipper Dan is the name
    And I'm doin' 34 shows every day
    And every time it's the same
    Look at those hippos, they're wigglin their ears
    Somebody shoot me cause I'm bored to tears
    Always said I'd be famous... I guess that I lied
    Cause I'm workin' on the Jungle Cruise ride
    I'm still workin' on the Jungle Cruise ride Lyrics licensed and provided by LyricFind

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