I Hate Myself And I Want To Die

Album: The Beavis And Butthead Experience (1993)
  • songfacts ®
  • Artistfacts ®
  • Lyrics
  • "Runny nose and runny yolk. Even if you have a cold still."

    Kurt Cobain was addicted to DXM, along with heroin. "Runny nose and runny yolk" is an image of snorting heroin (heroin when in powder form is yellow) and the "Cold Still" part of the lyric would mean that he was snorting heroin to keep himself from feeling the agonizing physical pain of the DXM withdrawal (for an elaboration on DXM, see the "Pennyroyal Tea" Songfacts). >>
    Suggestion credit:
    Chris - Libertyville, IL
  • This was released in 1993 on the album The Beavis and Butthead Experience, then released in 1994 on the B-side of the single "Pennyroyal Tea." An alternate version is on Disc 3 of With The Lights Out. >>
    Suggestion credit:
    Mo - Newark, NJ
  • Kurt Cobain's last interview was with Rolling Stone magazine on January 27,1994. When the writer asked him, "One of your songs that you cut from In Utero at the last minute was I hate myself and I want to die. How literally did you mean it?" Cobain responded: "As literal as a joke can be. Nothing more than a joke. And that had a bit to do with why we decided to take it off. We knew people wouldn't get it; they'd take it too seriously. It was totally satirical, making fun of ourselves. I'm thought of as this pissy, complaining, freaked out, schizophrenic who wants to kill himself all the time: 'He isn't satisfied with anything.' And I thought it was a funny title. I wanted it to be the title for the album for along time. but I knew the majority wouldn't get it." >>
    Suggestion credit:
    Lance - Springfield, OH
  • The song was supposed to be the title to Nirvana's 1993 album. They later chose "In Utero" after bassist Krist Novoselic convinced Cobain to switch, as he feared it could potentially result in a lawsuit. >>
    Suggestion credit:
    Jana - Milledgeville, IL
  • The Oasis hit single "Live Forever" was inspired by this song. The English band's songwriter Noel Gallagher told NME: "Here was a guy who had everything and was miserable about it. We had f--k all, and I still thought getting up in the morning was the greatest f--king ever."
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Comments: 13

  • Adrianna from Harrisburg, PaThe part about horse pills is about Ketamine which is a horse tranquilizer often used to get high causing you to pass out and forget alot of stuff
  • Arch from Chicago, IlOh and snorting heroin is considered safer although you won't get as high as shooting it up and the risk of overdose and death is always a factor no matter how you take it. I don't think the lyric has anything to do with snorting heroin though.
  • Arch from Chicago, IlThe cough syrup he always took didn't contain dxm, it is called hycomine and the main ingredient is hydrocodone aka vicodin an opiate based painkiller.
  • Adam from Boyce, VaSeems you people are more focused on commenting about his death and how and why he died than commenting on the damn song. After all that's the subject here.....Anyways, its a pretty powerful song. Very good riff....
  • Travis from Sioux City, IaI like how this nick guy corrects him about not being able to snort heroin when his only information is from a scene in a fiction movie that he misinterpreted. Nothing happened to her because she snorted the heroin. She ODed because she thought she was snorting cocaine and took too large of a dose.
  • Babybird from Halifax, CanadaI felt obligated to registar once I read the first persons crap. DXM is not physically addictive and therefore has no physical withdraw. Not convinced check for yourself:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dextromethorphan
    Kurt Cobain was not a stupid person and I'm cretain he would not appreciate uneducated people suggesting such s--t about his work. I myself am a recovering IV heroin addict and can tell you there is no greater physical withdraw than that of an opiod, whether it be heroin, methadone, morphine, oxycodone...etc. There is no relief from this horror except the next hit. It controls your every thought, desire, mood, every waking moment. You can't sleep or eat or get up of the toilet because of the cramps,and runs. You sweat and yawn and your eyes tear for no reason. Then once you've managed to get through the worst of the physical pain you are left with the headaches you've caused and the strongest desires to run out and grab a smash. All of lifes problems you used to hide are staring you right in the face. Perhaps this is what he was writing about. Sometimes I wonder if he found the only real way to leave such an addiction behind. He was obviously hurting in ways only few can understand.
    -
  • Aurelio from Mexico City, MexicoThe song is originally called "I Hate Myself and Wan to Die", but most people mislabel it and add the second "I". It was included in the "Pennyroyal Tea" single but withdrawn shortly after his death.

    the line "Finger plaster, cast of the horse pills" refers to drugs Kurt dissolved in a glass of water; the pills formed a white layer on the water, so when you put your finger in and take it out it looks as if you had a plaster on it.
  • Jon from Gillingham, Englandthis song was wriiten by kurt as he was finally happy with what he had composed! and wtf of course u cn get addected 2 drugs heroine is very addictive. and kurt was murded and didnt commit sucide as:
    he was filing for devose
    there were 2 notes (1 countney love had)
    no finger prints on the gun
    had 2 much heroin (1.52 per liter of blood) to even pick up a gun
    the gun was brought to protect him self as coutney had aredy tryed to kill him
    need i go on ?


    jon ENGLAND !!! wooo
  • Jt from Tullahoma, TnReally you can get hooked on any type of drug. I used to be hooked on canned air duster. If your mind enjoys it and you form a habt with it, you can get addicted.
  • Andrew from Adelaide, Australiahe hates him self and he whants to die , that sounds suicidal enough to me... its a great song tho
  • Arm from Somewher, United StatesKurt Cobain was a dexhead? If he did cough medicine then it was likely the prescription, opiate-based kinds.
  • Nick from Orange County, NyUm, I'm really not sure that the first person knows what he's talking about. Snorting heroin will not "keep yourself from feeling agonizing pain", it will kill you, extremely painfully. Go watch Pulp Fiction and you will see what happens when you mix the coke up with the heroin. Plus i really never knew you could get hooked on DXM. Not that these mistakes are big deals or anything, the song is probably about his drug addictions, but it does just go to show that any idiot can post on here.
  • Matt from Millbrae, Caits sadly ironic really because kurt said the title was making fun of people who believed he was a misanthrope who constantly brought up suicide. of course we know thr tragic truth.
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