I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General

Album: The Pirates of Penzance (1879)
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  • I am the very model of a modern Major-General,
    I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral,
    I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical,
    From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical;
    I'm very well acquainted too with matters mathematical,
    I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical,
    About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news---
    With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.

    I'm very good at integral and differential calculus,
    I know the scientific names of beings animalculous;
    In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
    I am the very model of a modern Major-General.

    I know our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's,
    I answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for paradox,
    I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus,
    In conics I can floor peculiarities parablous.
    I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and Zoffanies,
    I know the croaking chorus from the Frogs of Aristophanes,
    Then I can hum a fugue of which I've heard the music's din afore,
    And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore.

    Then I can write a washing bill in Balylonic cuneiform,
    And tell you every detail of Caractacus's uniform;
    In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
    I am the very model of a modern Major-General.

    In fact, when I know what is meant by "mamelon" and "ravelin",
    When I can tell at sight a chassep"t rifle from a javelin,
    When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more wary at,
    And when I know precisely what is meant by "commissariat",
    When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery,
    When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery:
    In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy,
    You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee---

    For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury,
    Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century;
    But still in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
    I am the very model of a modern Major-General. Writer/s: Arthur Sullivan, W. S. Gilbert
    Publisher: ACUM Ltd.
    Lyrics licensed and provided by LyricFind

Comments: 5

  • David Letterman Jones from The Flying DutchmanBoth of you should be in the Locker by now, and I'm still on my way.
  • General Beckett, 1643 from Port Royal, JamaicaWhat in the absolute lyrical madness is this infernal shanty?
  • General Beckett, 1643 from Port Royal, JamaicaI, too, am a very model of a Modern Major General
  • Jackson S. Sparrow from Port Royal, JamaicaThis shanty brings memories of that one fool who marched around the cellhouse ensuring the city knew he was a general. Oh, the memories this brings.
  • Tcsquirrel from The InternetIf the bit about Wolseley is true.... then first he sounds like a delightful if buffoonish person... and second I rather have to applaud him being able to poke fun at himself and own it rather than get huffy and offended. While the song is arguably quite complimentary considering the fairly broad and rich education, it does nothing but basically sum up 'I am possibly the most unqualified person to be here and would be of much better use far far away from this place. Hence I am in charge.'.
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